MARRIAGEI was excited when Luke Stansfield over at Finance and Forever pitched this guest post idea to me. As a soon-to-be newlywed, I’ll take all the insight I can get about dealing with finances in marriage. I hope you’ll enjoy Luke’s post as much I as I did.

    After countless hours of planning, taste testing, dress shopping, tux renting, invite sending, flower picking, and rehearsal dinner-ing the Big Day finally comes. Vows are exchanged, a kiss is shared, and family, friends, faith, and fun fill the atmosphere. Happily ever after, right? Perhaps, but many newlyweds blissfully fail to acknowledge another “F” word that could make or break the quality of their marriage. And, no, it’s not the one you are thinking of… 😉

    Finances. 

    Couples’ attitudes about finances have been a CRITICAL determining factor in their level of marriage satisfaction. Don’t believe me? Check out this study published in the Forum for Family and Consumer Issues. Or this one, led by researchers at Kansas State University. Many young married couples dream and plan for job satisfaction, home ownership, family vacations, and early retirement.  But when it comes to action, they fall short.

    Coming together financially isn’t as simple as “get on the same page” or “save more money” or “talk about any big or out of the ordinary purchases.” If you want to avoid the problems associated with financial issues, yes, talk to your spouse about their dreams. Get on the same page. But don’t stop there. Talk about the steps you are both going to take reach them together.  Financial freedom is a continuous process but the following actions items will really get the ball rolling between you and your spouse.

    Have “The Talk”…the Right Way

    Communicating well is one of the biggest challenges for married couples.  Even though we both speak English, I sometimes think my wife and I could use a translator.  

    Communicating about your financial past may seem hard.  But believe me, each of you will have plenty to say. For my wife and I, the most influential factor in our attitudes about money came from our parents.  I love my parents very much, and in most ways I wouldn’t change a thing about my upbringing. Money management is an exception.  Much of my formative years were spent knowing that we were in trouble financially.  On top of that, my parents struggled to communicate well and didn’t ever really talk about how to fix things.  So for step number one, set aside time to sit down with your spouse and share with one another how your upbringing has affected your current attitudes about money because I’m sure most of you heard something along the lines of “your thoughts and attitudes direct your actions.”  This couldn’t be more true when it comes to finances and your marriage

    Be an Open Book

    In your conversation about your attitudes about money, I’m willing to bet at least one of you shared something about your finances that the other did not know.  This is great!  Find a way to put all things finance in front of you so you can see where you guys stand.  This includes any kind of debt or outstanding loans–pretty much anything in your name and a dollar value assigned to it.  Although you may not feel keen on showcasing your mistakes, it is for the best in the long run.  Shine the light on your financial F-ups so that you can focus on fixing them rather than ignoring them as they worsen.

    Now that you have everything in front of you, it’s time to combine whatever you can, or at least be totally transparent about your spending.  As a married couple, your lives have now melded into one. Same goes for your finances.  Start with your checking accounts.  It keeps you both accountable.  Knowing that whatever you decide to purchase will be visible to your spouse may cause you to think twice before an impulse buy.

    Automate Everything

    My favorite part…take your mind off your money by automating your bill pay.  Set all your bills to automatic withdrawal from your bank account, debit, or credit card.  You won’t ever have to worry about late fees again and it frees up mental ram to come up with fun and inexpensive date ideas.

    Dream!

    Like it or not, money will always play a huge role in how you live your life. But know that you can overcome the negative mental scripts you and your partner have about money. Know that honoring your father and mother can begin by breaking the cycle and learning from their mistakes rather than mirroring them.   Know that that you can merge bank accounts and still enjoy your own spending money.  Know that debt, student loans, car payments and other financial strains can be overcome in order to reach financial independence.

    It doesn’t take an IQ of 200, Harvard MBA, or 15 years of experience on Wall Street to make sound investment decisions.  Together you can afford retire, travel, take stress-free vacations, and spend quality time with children well before age 60.  The momentum you need to reach your dream marriage starts when you and your spouse say, “yes” your financial plan together so that your fairytale beginning will be followed by a joyful and fulfilling journey that ends even better than it began.

    Photo credit: Olessya